yakumtsaki

Whaddup guys! Welcome to my brand new legacy and also the first story I'm posting ever. Starring Victoria Union, whose impressive career as a founder spans more than a decade and 4 different laptops.

Here she is! Victoria is sporting her original 2006 maxis look and also her original unlikeable personality.
Aspiration: Fortune
Neat: 9
Outgoing:4
Active: 5
Playful: 4
Nice: 3
Right off the bat Victoria decides to be a pain in my ass by having the worst lifetime want in existence: own 5 top level businesses. Apart from this want being generally annoying, I am spectacularly bad at OFB. In all my years playing the sims I have never, ever managed to make a profit in a business without cheating. Like I consider breaking even a huge success. So yea Victoria this isn't happening and also, even if I wanted to do it, HOW. YOU LIVE ON YOUR LAWN

Victoria: Fine, whatever. You'll have to look at my ugly gray tombstone for 10 generations.
Yea I know so next time pick something that's actually doable, moron.
Anyway. Accompanying Victoria is her cat Victor, who is a huge asshole, just like his mommy:

Victor's bloodline is also going to continue for 10 generations along the family's because I love pets <3

Victoria: Yea, even though this whole intro thing is suuuper interesting can we get this crapshow going? Just take me down to club Dante to meet Malcolm already, I'm bored.
Ok, Victoria, I'm glad you brought this up.. you won't be marrying Malcolm Landgraab this time.

Victoria: What.
Please don't do the seething look. Listen I'm sorry but it just doesn't make for a very interesting narrative. The family is supposed to start poor and slowly make its fortune, that's the whole point of a legacy, I can't just have the founder marry the wealthiest guy around and call it a day! You guys were great together but this version of Malcolm doesn't even know you, don't you wanna try something new? Plus I have someone great in mind for you ;)

Victoria: So let me get this straight. First you tell me my lifetime want isn't happening because you're a bad player. Before I even have time to process this devastating news, you tell me I won't get to marry the man I love BECAUSE IT DOESN'T FIT YOUR NARRATIVE?!? THAT'S IT BITCH YOU'RE GOING DOWN

MY SCREEN MY BEAUTIFUL SCREEN

NO NOT THE FISTS OF FURY

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

........................................................
........................................................
........................................................

And we're back. Now that everyone has calmed down a little, let's check out those living accomodations, huh Vic?

NICE. I mean if that doesn't cheer you up I don't know what will. You even have a throne that oversees the whole street!

Victoria: *deep breaths* I hate you so much.

Nice going Victor, why don't you immediately ruin Victoria's throne you stupid cat.
Victoria: THIS PLACE IS A FUCKING DUMP. RUIN EVERYTHING VICTOR, WHO'S THE BEST KITTY IN THE WORLD?
Yeah Victoria, not to rain on your destructo parade, but if Victor breaks your things you're not getting better ones, you just live without furniture.

Victoria: This behaviour is unacceptable Victor! How dare you destroy my beloved chair?
Pepper the dog: *enjoying this*

Oh look Victoria, an actual person! Go greet her!
Victoria: I don't know if I'd call someone from the garden club "an actual person" but ok.
Will you PLEASE quit being such a bitch for like 20 seconds?
Victoria: FINE.

Victoria: There, are you happy now?
Garden Club Lady: Excuse me?
Victoria: No, not you dumbass.
Garden Club Lady: Well I never!

GCL: Oh my! What an adorable cat!
Victoria: Did that bitch really just do that?
Outraged by Garden Club Lady's horrible actions (i.e picking up Victor), Victoria embarks on a bullying crusade against her, all on her own free will.

Victoria: Hey, nice nose, does it double as storage room for all your garden decorations?
GCL: No I actually rent a little place Downton-
Victoria: Oh that's great, why don't you give me the adress, Victor needs some new toys.

Victoria: ..And that's the 23rd reason everyone despises Garden Club People! Now lets talk about your clothes.

GCL: Waaaah you're a horrible, horrible person!
Victoria: Ah what a beautiful day to be a dick to people for no reason (:
At this point I start to worry about Garden Club Lady's mental health, cause Victoria seriously wouldn't let up. So I do the merciful thing and send her home.

But not before Victoria manages to give her one last poke goodbye -.-

Victoria: Wow being a vicious bitch sure is tiring (:

It's not long before the welcome wagon arrives. Word about Victoria has obviously spread, cause we only get two people to welcome us. Presumably the bravest or the ones that drew the shortest straws at the townie meeting.

Victoria: Yea, no way I'm getting up for these Apartment Life losers.
I actually have to agree with you on this one, Victoria. I mean seriously who are these people? Obvious non-legacy material. Don't worry though, I have a special guy for you ;)

Victoria: Would you stop with the fucking winking, I'm never getting excited about this, I love Malcolm!
Yea whatever, start getting over it. Also may I remind you that when Malcolm died you didn't even wake up from your slumber.
Victoria: I was like 100 years old ok? I didn't hear the Reaper coming!
Yea I guess you also didn't hear Malcolm screaming your name in agony. Anyway, whatever helps you sleep at night Victoria, although you don't need much help in that area.

Victoria: Yes, I need a cab to go Downton so I can re-meet the love of my life.
FOR FUCK'S SAKE GIVE IT UP ALREADY

We go to Londoste to troll for some classy D. Instead we immediately get lectured by Miss Crumplebottom for daring to get out of the cab.
ms. C: Garden Club Lady told me all about you, you evil hussy! Time to cover up your arms and start treating your elders with some respect!
Victoria: Ewww your hat looks like an ugly flowerpot, did you go shopping at that Garden Club moron's Downton place?
Lisa Ramirez looks great in the default replacements tho (:

That's right Victoria, get the worst table available and don't even think about ordering anything but water, cause we're running this operation on a 48 simoleons budget.

Rare sighting of Goopy's tween sensation pop star cousin.

Aww Denise is eating alone :(

Oh, nevermind.
Gilbert: Excuse me sir, can you help me, I lost my mommy :(
DAMMIT GILBERT CUT THE CORD ALREADY

Suddenly the lot completely freezes for a full two minutes, which can only mean one thing..

THIS BITCH.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place, are we?
Let's get outta here Vic, everyone sucks and now thanks to this dumbass the place is lagging.
Victoria: Ok just let me splash some dirty sidewalk water in her face real quick.

Lmao she did this on her own volition. Love you, Vic. I'm taking you clubbing to the hottest spot in town..

Sooo ugly.

Oh look it's Benjamin Long! Is this maxis/default replacement combo outfit strangely working or is it just me?
Benjamin: I sure hope so cause I'm here on a date!
Ohhh, nice Benjamin! Who's your date?

OMG it's Kennedy Cox! They have the exact same face! I ship it <3

Suddenly, he finally shows up. Victoria's mystery future husband (if they don't end up hating each other).

........................................................

????????????????

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's right! it's Komei freaking Tellerman, the meanest, most annoying townie there ever was. Victoria go talk to him!
Victoria: Are you fucking kidding me?! Komei is your "special guy" for me?
Victoria please, can't you see you two are perfect for each other? You're both readheads, both fortune sims and both fucking jerks! It's obviously written in the stars!

Ready to begin the greatest love story of the century, Vic?
Victoria: Conceal, don't feel, don't let it show.. ♪

Victoria: Hi, I'm Victoria Union and this is a robbery.
Komei: Wut.
Victoria: I'm here to rob you of your dignity, not that you have a lot of it, walking around with that hair.
VICTORIA DON'T YOU DARE START TO BULLY KOMEI GODDAMIT

Komei: No wait, I want to see where this is going.
Wtf Komei you freak.

Victoria: Too bad being a loser isn't a career cause that's a field you'd actually succeed in! Haha!

Komei: Haha that sounds about right! Fuck having careers and participating in the narrowly defined, capitalist notion of "success"!
Victoria: ++

Komei: Victoria, I know this is fast, cause we literally just met 10 seconds ago, but I feel like we're already becoming best friends!
Ok I think at this point it's obvious that Komei Tellerman has some kind of humiliation fetish, which is a sentence I never wanted to write.

Victoria: You know what would really help this friendship Komei? If you put some of that nice cc makeup on that fugly mug of yours.
OH NO VICTORIA TOO FAR

Komei: THE CC MAKE-UP INDUSTRY IS ONE OF THE GREATEST PLAGUES OF TODAY'S SIM SOCIETY AND FUCK YOU FOR SUPPORTING IT. WE ARE ALL PERFECT THE WAY MAXIS MADE US. I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR FANCY CC FRECKLED FACE EVER AGAIN.
Great job Victoria, now you've triggered the ugly maxis townie rant.

Komei goes inside and Victoria strikes up a conversation with Jan Tellerman.
Victoria: So your last name is Tellerman too huh? Any relation to that hot piece of ass, Komei?
Make up your mind girl, god.

Victoria: Look there's Florence Delarosa, eating alone of course lol. I should go ask her about Malcolm!
NO YOU LEAVE FLORENCE ALONE. She has it hard enough with those default replacements making her look even more like an old maid. AND FORGET ABOUT MALCOLM. Go find Komei and apologize for your insensitive make up comments.
Victoria: UGH FINE.

Victoria: Whaddup Komei it's me again. I know you kinda hate me but let's face it, no one likes you and I'm the best you're ever gonna do. Let's dance.

Komei: I accept your half-assed non-apology since I don't wanna end up an old maid like poor Florence Delarosa.
Good call, Komei. These two actually have 2 bolts and from this point on ACR takes care of everything:

The two hit it off under the watchful eye of Kennedy Cox.
Kennedy: Ben this could be us but you playin.

Ben: Huhuhu did you see the way that maitre d' had a heart attack?
Kennedy: Haha and in public! How embarrassing!
Maitre d': Someone please call an ambulance!
Victoria: Hey wait did you hear anything?
Komei: It's the sound of me falling in love with you.
Victoria: Awwww
BARF. Komei falling in love of course sounds like people dying, no surprise there.

Victoria fucking stop doing that dramatic "when you're kissing someone new but you know your heart's not through with the last boy" look, I swear to god.

Florence: So guys you won't believe what Malcolm Landgraad is up to!
OMG FLORENCE GTFO DON'T YOU HAVE A CHURCH MEETING TO ATTEND OR SOMETHING

Thankfully the attraction here is strong enough to withstand Florence's sabotage.

And ACR works it's slutty magic! You go guys! You only have 30 relationship points but whatever!

Oh for fuck's sake.
ms. C: YOU AGAIN! First assaulting innocent elders and now fornicating in public with unattractive townies! Have you made it your life's purpose to destroy the moral fabric of this town? Well Agnes Cumplebottom will not allow it!
Victoria: OWW MY JAW WHAT THE FUCK IS IN THAT BAG YOU CRAZY OLD BAT

Victoria: That's it bitch you just made my list, I'm going to destroy you.
ms. C: Tell it to your dislocated jaw slut.
Ok Victoria time to go home, you're starving, exhausted and you just got beaten up by a lunatic. This night is not recovering.

Victoria: Fine, just let us bully Kennedy for dancing like an idiot first.
Of course, far be it from me to interfere with your couple-bonding techniques.

Victoria returns home, to eat, rest and daydream about Denise Jacquette, whom she never even met.
Victoria: Denise is the kind of suffocating mother I aspire to be one day. I want my children to be unable to function without me, even as adults.
That's great to know, Vic, thanks for sharing.

Later that night, Komei calls and invites us out, while this random townie is taking a crap at our toilet.
Victoria: Why Komei, I'd love to go out with you! Thankfully I already have someone to watch my toilet while I'm gone, so I'll be right there!

We go to P.U.R.E., the local deathtrap, with a bunch of other townies Komei invited.

Some embarrassing smustling on the roof gets everyone's spirits up.
Victoria: Look how high fucking Marisa is jumping! She's obviously trying to steal Komei's attention away from me!
Victoria get a grip, we're talking about Komei here. No offense but Bigfoot is a more eligible bachelor than him.

Lmao ok Vic, I think I see your point.
Marisa: Oooh, my calves are sooo sore from all that jumping I just did. Let me just stretch a little...
Marisa can you back off please? Cause I'm not above SimPe-ing your annoying ass into oblivion.

Victoria demonstrates some of her skills to Komei. Obviously intimidated by this display of sexual prowess, Marisa finally gives up and gets the hell out. Buh-bye!

Komei thinks of Victoria while peeing. React to this information however you see fit.

Victoria presumably wants to bang Komei in the club bathroom but her gross plans are foiled by the "men only" door. Sorry boo.
Then the lot freezes for 2 full minutes..

FUCKING DAMMIT GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE YOU STUPID GOOD WITCH GAWD I HATE YOUR ASS SO MUCH
Our fun night is cut short by this extremely unwelcome reappearance so we call a cab home.

For some reason all the townies join us, getting out of that taxi clown car one by one, in a decisive and scary manner.

Victoria is exhausted and has to work in a few hours so I send her straight to bed, thinking those assholes will leave on their own. (I forgot to mention she's got a job in the Slacker track. She's gonna quit when something better comes up so who cares).

Even though we live in a literal huge-ass OPEN FIELD, the townies decide that the best spot for their improptu gathering is right next to the sleeping person and the sleeping cat.
Melissa: Guys I feel like our friend group has been drifting apart.. We should take this chance to reconnect.
Kennedy: You're absolutely right Melissa, let's stay up all night and have a deep conversation about our thoughts and feelings <3
Marisa: Oh Komei I'm so glad that pesky girlfriend of yours is finally incapacitated. Let's make out next to her bed.
Victoria: My homewrecker sense is tingling.

Victoria gets up to pee, unbothered by the creepy townies who are continuing their lively discussions.
Marisa can be seen talking to Komei about nukes, probably the ones she wants to drop on his relationship.

The carpool finally shows up, this time driven by Komei's blonde cousin.
Melissa: Bye mom, I'll miss you!
Victoria: I'll give you 48 simoleons to run them over.

After a gruelling day of golf-caddying, Victoria returns to her thankfully townie-free "home" and
Victor runs to welcome her. You're thinking cute, right? right?

WRONG. Fucking Victor somehow managed to completely destroy Victoria's bed. Now not only do I have to buy her a new one, but also get him a scratching post AND a freaking expensive bowl because he's starving himself and won't eat from the cheap one. Suffice to say I'm bitterly regretting my "pet legacy" decision.

It's time for drastic measures to keep us from starving to death so we promptly invite Komei over.

Best-friendship is quickly achieved, followed by a date suggestion, cause our aspiration bar is about to hit the crapper (which wouldn't be a problem if Victoria didn't keep rolling the most stupid wants, like "buy a rug". Yea sure Victoria, that's what's missing from your lawn floor, A NICE RUG. Fucking fortune sims).
Victoria: So Komei, wanna have a relaxing night "in" here, so I don't spend any more of my precious money on the dumb wants I'm bound to roll if we go outside?
Komei: In where? You don't have any walls.
Victoria: That's why I put quotation marks around the in, Komei, GAAWD.
Ugh both of you shut up and let's get this damn date going.

Victoria proposes a commited relationship to Komei, which he gladly accepts. He's also officialy in love with her now lmao, enjoy this while it lasts Komei. Time to go for the cash flow jugular and ask him to move in.

*Please don't be poor, please don't be poor*

GOOD THANK YOU KOMEI

NEVERMIND FUCK YOU KOMEI.
I so badly want to cheat and change this but I'm gonna control myself and attempt to complete it so at least one of them gets a platinum tombstone. I'm so pissed off tho cause how are we even gonna feed all these pets? It's gonna be a long fucking generation.

With Komei's generous donation we build an actual house. I use no cc though and take extra care to make it as ugly and miserable as possible.

THAT WILL TEACH YOU TO ROLL DUMB LIFETIME WANTS, JERKS. ENJOY YOUR NEW HOUSE

Komei: I've made a huge mistake.
Yes you have and it's too late to back out now, unless you literally want to die and then Victoria can find someone with a normal lifetime want. So if you want to live, there's only one thing left to do..

Victoria: Komei, my love, there's never gonna be a better place for us to marry than right here, next to Victor's pee puddle. Marry me you mean, ugly man and let's found the greatest legacy the world has ever known.
Komei: Of course I'll marry you, Victoria Union, on my own free will and in no way under the threat of death.

Congrats guys, what a beatiful ceremony!